RANGOON – In a controversial result of an election that international observers have condemned as neither free nor fair, the estimated 220,000 immediate victims of cyclone Nargis have all cast their ballots in favor of this week’s government-sponsored referendum. The results were announced by a spokesperson for the junta last night.

“The people have spoken and their voice will be heard,” the spokesman said, reading from comments also published in The New Light of Myanmar. “This demonstrates our commitment to democracy, as we have honored the wishes of all our citizens, including those recently deceased.”

According to government sources, the 220,000 votes were all cast by absentee ballot, under a system that until today’s announcement was not even known to exist in Myanmar. However, the government has retroactively posted information about the “mail-in” ballots which were allegedly distributed and returned via a postal system which is also not known to exist. All ballots were safely retrieved just prior to the cyclone, and counting has just been completed despite the shutdown of most government services in the cyclone’s aftermath.

The list of absentee voters includes an estimated 30,000 people who are still listed as missing rather than deceased. However, the junta was certain that the difference was inconsequential. “If anyone on the list turns out to be alive, their vote will still count,” said the spokesman. “We will make sure of it.”