BANGKOK – After vowing to retake the airport, liberate tens of thousands of foreign hostages and return Thailand to normalcy, Bruce Willis has been unable to even move beyond the vent system he entered last Friday.
On the outer reaches of Terminal 2, a crowd has gathered this morning below a bald elderly American who is hanging on for his life from an air duct. The man is believed to be 53-year-old Bruce Willis.
Police have allegedly been dispatched to the scene to help Willis down from the duct to the ground, a distance witnesses have estimated at “about four feet.”
Having apparently over-estimated his own abilities, the Hollywood actor has unwittingly dealt a psychological blow to the silent majority in Thailand that had begun to believe Willis might save the day.
Tourists at Suvarnbhumi appeared especially distraught and have given up any hope of returning for the Christmas holidays.
“Way to go Bruce,” said one tourist sarcastically. “I hope you get down okay. Geronimo motherfucker.”
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(Thai local time)
