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(Thai local time)

Lifestyle

	Cryptosporidium and E.Coli Germs Planning “Best Songkran Ever”
	Pattaya Woman Beats Supercomputer at Game of Connect 4
	New Mobile Alerts Owners to their Own Boredom
	Culture Ministry Launches New Fashion Line
	Love of Thai Food Discussed Over Lunch at Burger King
	News Story Never Manages to Find Focus, Gets Published Anyway
	Astrologers Release Retroactive Predictions For 2007
	Nancy Chandler Map Wins Turner Prize
	Local Man Seriously Over-Using the Term 'Gig'
	Thailand Cultural Center Commemorates 10,000th Ruined Performance
	Samitivej Performs World’s First Face-Saving Surgery
	Rich Kid Going Too Far With Ski Rack

Breaking News

	Queen’s Birthday Portraits Youngest Since 1977
	Anti-Red Facebook Pages Officially Abandoned By Bored Thai Middle Class
	California Wow Still Flaming
	Protestors Manage To Set Klong Alight

World Update

	Kim Jong Il’s Pancreas Sent To Labor Camp
	Man Reduces Carbon Footprint By Dying Young
	U.S. Torture Memos: Detainee Forced To Eat At Cracker Barrel 83 Times In One Month
	Americans Insist World Baseball Classic Doesn’t Count Until Americans Win It

PLACE A CLASSIFIED AD WITH NOT THE NATION TODAY.

MISSING Basic knowledge about client’s past statements and actions, recent Thai history and complex political situation. Urgently email robert.amsterdam

@amsterdamperoff.com.

WANTED New superficial identity to project to the world. Will be featured in global advertising campaign. Avoid word “smiles”. Send pitches to Tourism Authority of Thailand.

LOST Sleep. Between May 14 and May 20 in downtown Bangkok. Can’t remember last time I had it exactly. Would pay anything to have it again. Contact sub desk at AP.